My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
