There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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