...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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