I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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