hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
