All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
