that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
