Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
