Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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