You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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