What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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