Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
