Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
