Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My first STD was from a foam party
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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