Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
