I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
