sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
