he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
