If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
