It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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