it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
