Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
