May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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