So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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