everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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