I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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