I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
