Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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