Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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