I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
