there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
