Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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