I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Alive.
So much puke
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
