Plan B is the new Plan A
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
