I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
