my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
