Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
