Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will be naked everywhere
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
