woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the day after is always just damage control
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
