Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize