She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
