We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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