youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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