I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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