We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
