He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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