So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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