At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She bit a glass in half.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
