so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
