Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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