i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
