I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
