On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
