Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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