God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
