Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
