She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
