i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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