Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
