your parents love me but you hate me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
