I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
