My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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