i just had sex bonerless
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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