The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
