like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
