I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize