spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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