Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
