do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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