Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
