Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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