I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
