She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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